All right folks, time for a little rant. Ready? Go.
Let me first start out by linking you to this thread:
http://hydlaa.com/smf/index.php?topic=25432.0Mmhhmm. Don't do that. But, there is another problem that needs to be addressed, as the topic of this thread states. I have noticed more and more people with seemingly endless text in descriptions and backstory. Some of the descriptions are going to the extreme, listing every stitch that they are wearing. In a story, that is not a bad thing. But in the game, trying to read all that is a pain, and by the time you DO read it all, the person has wandered off, thinking you are afk. Besides the fact that it is tweaking a bit, assuming my character looked that close at you in the first place. If you want to go into such great detail, -first- put in your description what someone would see in just a quick glance. Hair color, eyes, a -simple- and concise view of what you are wearing. Just the basics.
Now, one thing that should NOT be in your description is you character's ENTIRE backstory, or any at all. Only what can be seen, heard, touched, smelt, and felt should be in there. It is a character description, not "This is your life". That is what this
http://hydlaa.com/smf/index.php?board=15.0 is for. For one thing, we can not see that just by looking at you. Well, maybe my empath could, but he wouldn't really care, as trees are more interesting. I have a major problem with the default of the game putting custom 'events' in the character description to start. It puts the wrong ideas in new folks heads.
Going back to Karyuu's thread, this excess of text causes the exact same problem. Not only that, I have seen those same empty lines after the endless text. Not that I care about the "You evaluate" part, as my characters don't fight. But it still is a problem.
Another thing I have seen, is severe 'tweaking' in them. "You feel fear as you look upon..." "You notice your money is missing..." "As you view this strange creature you are unaware that he is also viewing you from his peripheral vision."
This is as wrong in description as it is in RP. Godmodding or tweaking, you can not say what another character feels, sees, or acts.
What a proper description should look like (a basic one) :
"He is an average look man, if a bit on the thin side, as if*1 missing more than a few meals. His gray streaked hair reaches past his shoulders, and is held in a tight ponytail with a leather cord. His beard is well kept, and bears the same gray streaking as his hair. You may notice*2 his eyes are a slate blue, and look upon his surroundings with a steady gaze. His hands are thick skin and weathered, as if*1 he has been working for much of his life. He looks to be*3 in his mid thirties. If you come close enough, you will smell the slight odor of woodsmoke and fish.
*4
His clothing is that of a peasant, though clean and still sturdy. You may notice*2 his boots are worn and covered in dust.
*4
If you look more closely....*5
As a child...*6
Let's go through those numbers:
*1: "as if" This is what your character sees. You can not just state that "He has not eaten in days." I -as my character- can not see that you have not eaten in days, so can only assume that. But do not put in "You assume he has not eaten in days." That is putting thoughts in my character's head.
*2: "May notice" this gives others the choice of noticing or not. If you say "You notice that..." again, that is putting thoughts in my character's head.
*3: "looks to be" Does my character know you are in your mid thirties? Not unless you told him, so you should not give an exact age. Or, if you do, use "about 35" after “looks to be”, or similar phrase. If it is not something my character can not see and know, then you should not be putting it in your text.
*4: One line of empty space. This is to break up the text a bit, and give a division when you start to describe something else about your character. In this example, the man's features were first, followed by his clothing. If you think the clothing would be noticed first, then put it first.
*5: If you chose, put a more detailed description here. This is where you can put the exact number of buttons on your coat, or the exact shade of that stain. But still, nothing belongs in here that another character would not see....if it matters! If it does not really matter to who your character is or acts, leave it out. Let people's imaginations fill in the gaps.
*6: NO NO NO! This does not belong here for many reasons. One, other characters will not se or know any of this. It detracts for roleplaying because you miss out on players trying to get to know you. They are not going to ask about what you have wriiten out in detail. RP then becomes redundant if you have to tell the same story to people who do not know you, be saw the text. It also creates the same problem as the empty lines. Lastly, it will all vanish in a wipe. That should scare some of you who are writing books in your descriptions. It also take so long to read that people start to lose out on the RP going on around them. I read fast, and have started to read some of the long texts, only to have the person walk away. Think of the slow readers, and type kindly.
The sum-up: Keep it a short as you can. Only list details that matter to the role that you are playing, and will be noticed right away by others. And keep the backstories in the forum...where they belong.
