Yliakum History--Edited

[cmhitman]

Is it just me, or has anyone noticed the rather obvious errors in the plane shift back-story?

Yliakum History has a few huge mistakes that could be easily fixed but for some reason, through every version it  some how stays the same.

Here is a break down of the errors that I caught...

1. Various breaks in correct grammar; the overall story seems like it was translated from one language into English and some how lost the correct placing of some modifiers (me thinks) and conventions in standard (American) English.

\"The Enkindukai that lived in the same area were driven away and this was considered as a intrusion in their freedom...\"

Edited:

\"The Enkindukai that lived in the same area were driven away...this was considered an  intrusion on  their freedom...\"

and

\"Laanx, to avoid them to reach Yliakum\"

Edited:

\"Laanx to stop  them from reaching...\"

2. Also with the way the story is worded, there seems to be a time discrepancy (me thinks).

When the big god (vodul) pimps talad and laanx he promises them peoples within a time frame, me mind gets a wee-bit hazy as to why I felt there was something off about the story but all I know is there are allot of dead end time references:

 I.e.
A.\"Laanx spent a very long time in the stone Labyrinths\"
B.\"After Many generations...\"
C.\"They were suppose to arrive in a few tens of years\"

I think the writer was trying to invoke a since of mythicalism (word  creation...1000 point!)With all this vagueness but really all it does screw with the readers understanding of the story. Remember


3. Also, there are a few gender bender issues for Laanx; a female, who magically turns into a male in the Third Epoch: THE REALM OF LAANX. Here, she is refered to as ?He? numberous times.   I know that she gets all bitchy because talad turns her ugly but?I?m not sure if the author was trying to elaborate on the fact she began to deny her female sexuality ur what for in the Fifth Epoch: The Civilization.  Laanx is again refered to as ?she?? Personaly I think we should stick with laanx being female?but it would go with the present direction of the story in witch we have a complete reversal on Talad and Laanx?s roles and mindsets due to the magic wielding incident that caused her disfigurement. But, like i said: It could go both ways?



maybe
 we could have a vote to decide?

[Kahlisi]

1.)  I feel the background story - even with errors - is quite well-written because said author\'s native language is not English.  When we actually have time to focus on the website (which is not a priority) the grammatical errors will be fixed.

2.)  Voting on the story will be done privately within the Dev. Team, not the Community.

[cmhitman]

I agree, it is a nice story...

Kahlisi, I only ment to help,
by posting this...
and why can\'t the community have a role in the direction of the story?

 I think it would be a very good idea to have the community decide where the story goes...maybe have a contest to see who can write in the sex change the best.

There is no reason to get all bogardish...jeez, relax I didn\'t mean to scare you. us morons (the planeshift fans) dont really just like your game because it allows us, the little people to atleast vocalize our ideas we actualy like the premise of the whole project.

and I am also sorry to have infrindged on some double standardish rule that says we can contribute ideas...even good ones but its all at the will of a bi-tchy wtb member.

sorry....very sorry

[Vengeance]

CM,

Kahlisi is right that Settings will be established by the team, led foremost by Talad.  You don\'t need to call Kahlisi names just because she doesn\'t jump for joy when you decide you want a contest.

- Venge

[cmhitman]

i\'m not upset...really
its just she doesn\'t even say why this couldn\'t be done, or why the dev team wouldn\'t want this.
 just a flat out...I are dev, you be fan... type attitude
I mean there might actualy be some body out there who thinks it would be a cool idea

[acraig]

Hmm, good job on some of the grammer errors.  Hopefully they can be fixed soon.  

As I said in another thread, it\'s good that you are submitting ideas and we depend on the community to add new in creative ideas but Kahlisi does have a point.  It is us that are doing a lot of the work here and we have to decide what fits in and what does not.  Doing it by vote is not very good. What if 80% of the community ( at the current time ) wants a particular idea but nobody on the team either a) likes it or b) is willing to do it?  Does that make us bad?  

Just because we don\'t jump for joy for every idea or every change does not mean that we think they are bad it\'s just that we have to try to think of the big picture.  We cannot simply just add in ideas as soon as they come.  Otherwise it would by too chaotic.

-------------
Andrew

[Grey]

In much of ancient mythology, lack of masculinity results in a expression of the being in feminine terms.  This is just a switch expression of this principal.  I admit that the first time it said he for Laanx I was a bit dumbfounded, but then I realised what had happened and thought it through.  The only problem with the naming like that is that in the story it sometimes becomes ambiguous as to which deity is being talked about.  I don\'t mind that the story is not grammatically correct, but suppose that it may matter to some of the masses that come in and see it and more importantly to anyone who wishes to sponsor the project or make a donation of some kind.  Personally, if it scares away some idiot newbie who otherwise would have come to the boards to be dumb, that is fine with me.  We have too many of those already anyway.

[Mehallie]

Right.  

As I also was rather concerned about the website, I volunteered to do the editing (which I must say works rather well in these situations).

I may not get things entirely right as I\'m not part of the team and I don\'t know the entire story line behind the game, but I will try and do what I can to straighten out some of the  less clear passages and take care of glaring grammatical errors.  I\'ve managed to finish about a third of it so far, and just finished up races this morning, so I think I\'m going at a pretty good pace.  

Tomorrow I\'ll be tackling the history piece, which again, I\'m not sure just how much I can actually correct as I don\'t know a lot about the  \"behind the scenes\" storyline, but I\'ll do what I can, and if I massacre it too badly, I hope the team will get back to me and tell me what it is they don\'t like, and I\'ll change it myself.

So, let\'s consider this sorted.

TTFN

Mehallie

[cmhitman]

dont worry, i got da history down pat.
I\'m working on it as we speak and i\'m bout half done...should be totaly done in bout an hour