Sounds Too Familiar
Being a critique of Levrus Dahrenn’s theory of familiars
by Messrs. Raynald Minduri & Rinenud Ginat of the Imperial Scholars
Dear reader, we have no need to introduce to you Levrus Dahrenn, Hydlaa’s foremost wizard and scholar, and an honourable and learned man. We are tempted to say Yliakum’s foremost wizard and scholar, given Ludwigus Descartium’s tragic accident last month. Ludwigus, a renowned Xacha teacher at the Stronghold, and one of Yliakum’s foremost advocates of the Stalactite in an Endless Void theory, had a habit of locking himself in a dark cupboard. In this cupboard he would light a slow-burning candle. By staring intensely into the candle’s flame, Ludwigus would enter a trance-like state, clearing his head of all distraction. He would then spent all night developing the theories that have made him one of this land’s premier intellects. He was currently investigating the mystery of familiars.
Unfortunately, it appears that Ludwigus’ love of abstract thought was matched by his love of Xacha wine, and he last visited his cupboard in a state described by a colleague as one of “sublime alcoholic satisfaction” (or in the words of his elderly Dermorian head-servant: “He was so bloody sizzled by the sauce, his breath could have scorched the skin of a Kran at ten paces”). On this particular occasion Ludwigus’ trance-like state was achieved not by staring at the candle, but by falling asleep over the naked flame - with inevitable consequences. Although his servants rescued him from the ensuing fire, Ludwigus lost the western wing of the Descartium mansion, along with his hair and higher mental faculties. Authorities are considering charging the servants with neglect. Friends and colleagues of the injured scholar were quick to draw a moral from these events: good help is becoming harder and harder to find.
Let us pray that such tragedy never befalls our dear Levrus. An influential man, who counts the richest and most powerful of Hydlaa’s citizens as his clients, Levrus has published a new book, “Sounds Familiar”, which purports to solve the mystery behind familiars, small, seemingly untrained creatures which Hydlaa’s well-to-do now delight in parading continuously around our town’s Plaza, necessitating the average citizen to pay even greater attention to where they tread.
Friends: we come to praise Levrus Dahrenn, not bury him. For is he not an honourable man? Is he not a learned man? Is he not a seeker of truth? And if, in highlighting some trivial lapses of reason in his thinking, we should tempt you to think less of our esteemed colleague, we should be most shocked and upset. And pay no attention to the common citizen’s opinion of Levrus, many of whom have described him as “an elderly man who titters about his shop almost absentmindedly while talking to himself”. Ignore such scandal; let it not jaundice your view of our friend. Levrus claims to have solved the origin of summoning, to have discovered the original practitioners of summoning, and to have proved that familiars are not natural, but magic creatures. Let us examine these claims in turn.
Levrus bases his explanation of familiars upon the following quote:
“Words combined in subtler times, all the chimes will ring. On that ring cast the best of all sombre chants, net of hymns to bind, and find a friend with whom to prance away from all enmity, disaster or chance.” - Author unknown.
On this one quote Levrus claims to succeed where the scientists at the Observatory, the scroll-keepers at the Athenaeum of Ojaveda and the teachers of the Stronghold have failed: to explain the mystery of familiars. It takes a singular talent to base an entire theory upon a single, anonymous quote. What verve! Is he not an honourable man? Is he not a learned man? Levrus determines that “the references to chimes and sombre chants points directly to the Diaboli race”. His proof? The Diaboli apparently used a magic system on their homeworld that was musical in nature. And if it was musical, the Diaboli must also have chanted their magic, he states, and therefore this quote is proof that the Diaboli have a penchant for summoning familiars, a practice they have brought with them to Yliakum.
To the ears of the most casual of listeners, the above reasoning sounds ridiculous. First, there is no evidence that the Diaboli magic system was musical, and there is no evidence that the Diaboli chanted their magic. And Levrus gives no proof that such practices are unique to the Diaboli. But even were we to assume the premises were true, and that the practice were unique, his conclusion that the quote points “directly” to the Diaboli is invalid. A sombre chant is cast (and when has the adjective “sombre” ever applied to a Diaboli?), a chant which seems to be a summation of various hymns (and this from a race that runs at the mention of religion) all in order to “find a friend”. Levrus asserts that these lines describe the summoning of a familiar. How exactly they provide evidence for such a claim is left unclear. This is an unwarranted leap in logic on Levrus’ part. We suggest that what Levrus is pointing to instead is his own inability to think clearly.
Or rather we should suggest this, were this anyone else but the great Levrus Dahrenn. Levrus’ reasoning reminds the author of a visit he paid last week to poor Ludwigus Descartium, where he hoped to discuss the matter of familiars with the great man. Imagine this author’s surprise to find Ludwigus wandering naked in the grounds of his mansion, waving his arms frantically in the air.
“What by Laanx are you doing Ludwigus?” I asked him.
“What am I doing?” he replied, “Why, I’m scaring off the attacking Ulbernauts.”
“But there are no Ulbernauts,” I said to him.
He turned to me, smiled and said: “It’s working then.”
Clearly Levrus is exercising the same unique form of logic in Sounds Familiar. What a learned man.
Levrus proceeds to claim that familiars are summoned from the Diaboli homeworld (with no proof for this claim, it should be noted), are present in Yliakum for a short period, and then return to the Diaboli homeworld. But he states earlier that the Daiboli homeworld is “a blasted land full of smoke, fumes and lava where virtually no creatures could survive.” The familiars are not hardy creatures; how they could survive such a world is a mystery. After a paucity of logic, Levrus treats us to a flat-out contradiction. We await his clarification.
Finally, Levrus contends that familiars are not natural animals, but creatures created by magic. He notes that the Groffel has both a beak and talons, but hooves on its hind feet. Such an arrangement is “not natural”, and a sign that familiars are created magically. Similarly, a Yulbar is also a sign of magic, because its arrangement is very simple. Yet Yliakum teaches us that life takes many shapes and many forms, that there is varying levels of complexity, and that none is any more or any less natural than any other. Nolrithirs are elves, yet they have webbed hands, gills and lungs. Such a possibility may have been considered “unnatural” a few centuries ago. The Consumers that are so vital for our continued existence are incredibly simple organisms in comparison with some other forms of life, but no-one points to their simplicity as a sign that they are a product of magic.
To conclude: we do not learn the origin of summoning, we do not learn from where these creatures come, we do not discover to where they go, and we are none the wiser about how the summoner is able to call the same creature with each summoning. We leave the reader to ascertain whether our good friend has finally solved this mystery, or whether he deserves a space alongside Ludwigus in the gardens of the Descartium mansion.
Bibliography:
This Sounds Familiar - Mr. Dahrenn, available in the author's shop and the Imperial library
