And so, to revelation(s) #4. It has a few parts, including faith and phenomena. I think of it as the Truth Paradox.
In real life, I believe in the truths of paradox- both from philosophic studies and from manifested phenomenology. To state it more simply, because I've studied paradox a lot and because I experience it in my life and the lives of people I live with and love, I am convinced that there is no single truth to anything. I'm loaded with skepticism about the existence of truth and convinced that there are many utterly contradictory realities existing concurrently. My birthday is not Roled's, “fool” that he is. “I am a Gemini and so am I.”
THE POINT(S): Why have I posted this series of personal revelations? To illustrate the parabolas and parallels between Roled's personality and story is to my experienced life. To clarify the “horizon of history” (Gadamer) that fashions my perceptions. To show contradictions AND consistencies, in light of this controversy about equity in the experienced real world, in the game ICly and in game's mechanics that limit equality. To point out that truth and belief are not synonymous. To affirm that individual's experiences are valid and cannot be said not to exist. In philosophy, it's referred to as agency. In game, we name it as a part of “godmodding”- telling other people what you think they think, or what you think they mean, as if your view were true.
PHENOMENA: My life is full of paradox. I typically describe myself as a straight, low income, partially disabled stand-up comic, singer/songwriter and former summer league amateur first baseman, whose careers have been simultaneously as a producing and performing theatre artist and as an accountant and non-profit consultant – some of the phenomenology of my existence. My hobbies are crossword puzzles, science, math, progressive social justice, music, history, writing, philosophy, comedy, opera, environmental activism, my dog and PlaneShift. Roled's player is a racially identified Caucasian [thereby socially conditioned in white privilege] child of a biologically and self identified male Dad and a biologically and self identified female Mom, who grew up in the socially and economically privileged and segregated strata of a middle class subdivision in [still historically secessionist Confederate influenced] Northern Virginia six miles from Washington D.C.
FAITH: By “faith”- belief based on paradigms and socialized world views- I'm simultaneously Roman Catholic, Protestant, Buddhist, ecumenical, agnostic and Wiccan;. I was raised, baptized and confirmed in a High Episcopal [for you Brits think Anglican] mainstream Protestant church. I'm now an active member of a Roman Catholic Parish and think Pope Francis is terrific. We were married by three “holys” we called them, [a Jesuit Priest, a Franciscan Father, and a Psychic Priestess of Divine Love] with a mostly African American gospel choir [of which I was a member] singing and a Native American friend who smudged and blessed and drummed our wedding. I'm also a practicing American Buddhist who has been part of the sangha of several Wiccan and Gaian communities for most of my adult life. I read Tarot for my friends, talk philosophy of neuroscience with scientifically inclined folks, and think the big bang is a pretty good theory for now until and if “we” learn more.
PARADIGMS: In my view, each humanly debated 'truth' is valid only up to the limitations of human capacity for knowledge, experience, inclusion, understanding, insight, inspiration, community, growth and change. Humans are massively limited beings who often mistake our own particular lives as “proof” of “universal” truth. We on Earth experience ourselves through the lens of social conditioning, history, and unrecorded or hidden history. In the USA, we are educated in a silo-ed institutionalized system that separates knowledge pools into disciplines that too often [imho] ignores the insights of interdisciplinary study. I think we humans really have no idea what, if anything, might be universal. If anything is actually universal, by definition of the symbol we recognize as the word “true,” it must be true throughout the entire scope of time, of expanding space, of the cosmos, with not one single anomaly. Ever. I believe we can edge closer to experiential probabilities and never get there no matter how many arrows seem to be headed right towards the bulls eye. As Tom Stoppard the British playwright said in Jumpers, “Saint Sebastian died of fright.”
These are the particulars I planned to reveal. Oh, yeah, and I am biologically female. Three of my in-game friends discerned my real life gender within a week or so of role playing with me. Made me wonder why- and I determined to role play in a more nuanced and cross stereotypical way- addressing age, gender, sexual attraction, friendship, age, and motivations. Most of my friends in game know. If you read this far and didn't now I'm in real life a woman, well, now you know.
THE HEART OF MY REVELATION #4: I care about equity and influence. This is the main reason I have played PlaneShift for eight years. The person, my friend, who introduced me to PS and sat next to me as I learned this arcane thing called a video game, left PS because they experienced a high degree of bullying, sexism and homophobia in character role play, in gossip comments and especially in dealing with the powers on the development and art teams. That person is extremely talented, was a developer and writer, a technical genius, and is yet another loss in the PS community. I didn't think it was fair. So, I promised myself I would play a male gay warrior hero character who was emotional and philosophical. I determined to level stats so I could compete, make friends ICly and OOCly if I could, and see how deep the homophobia and sexism was embedded in this particular game's leadership. I fear I have found the phenomenological answer.
Unless you have questions, this is all I intended to address in this thread. I wanted to spread it out over time to see what might happen within the leadership concerning these issues of inequity. And because I hoped it might be more fun for some of us.
Thanks so much for playing with me. Thanks for reading. For those who do, thanks for caring.
me
