The legacy of dorbian

[dorbian]

The coming  

Dorbian a Enkidukai Healer was walking in the forest of Mizkanu, lookin for some herbs to use for her potions.
When she found a new plant she never saw bevore.
She took a part of it to her home for study.
The founding where ashtonishing, the plant was able to make dead bloodcells alive again.
After a sleepless night she decided to seek out more off the discovered plant to make more brews out of it.
Arriving at the exact same spot where the plant was she stood still.
Everything that was there was ruined, burned to the ashes down.
wondering what happened she looked at the ashes of the part of the forest to find something that could lead her to the source that did this.
She found nothing that could help her in any way, dissapointed as she was she decided to go deeper into the forest to find more of the plants.
after about 4 miles she noticed some heavy purple clouds moving towards eachother.
When the clouds hitted eachother a big purple vortex opened up moving towards the ground.
Dorbian was running like crazy to avoid the big purple thing but it was too big.
She was sucked up into the giant purple vortex and she saw her live flashing before her eyes.
in the forest there was a big circle of ashes of the plants that once where there.

i hope you all like the first part off the story because the previous one really sucked like ....

[Auran]

Dorbian is a chick!!!!?(.

BTW-

Does \'coming\' really have double Ms?

[dorbian]

no dorbian is a dude but it\'s more fun to take a gender in a game that ur not that way there aren\'t too many of the same gender ( i haven\'t seen many girls in the game ) and personaly i think the females look way better then the male\'s in the game

[shadowmancer]

Sorry, but you got no writing talent...
OK, so maybe I\'m not sorry. Whatever.
Use commas, for one thing. They add a lot to a story. Also, use more creative descriptive words, instead of boring ones like \"big\". A big purple hole. How creative. Give more description to the hole. Make it more real... as real as a big purple hole can be.
Use more compound sentences. You know what those are right?
Anyway, I may think of something else, but for now, that\'s it.

[dorbian]

i totaly agree to you ( i\'m not good at story writing in english since i don\'t know all the english words so i try to find words that compensate that.
but if i say a big purple vortex that would sound weird.

and for the comma part SHOOT ME i\'m a disaster at comma\'s i\'
m a programmer not a writer but atleast i gave it a shot

[Davis]

Nothing wrong with trying...   (No, that doesn\'t mean it sucks, it means there\'s nothing wrong with trying. I\'ve noticed that when people say \"It was a good try\" they usually mean \"Wow, that sucked so bad I am finding it hard to be polite. OK, well, maybe it sucked, but whatever)
The only language I know is English, so you are better off than I am. I\'m trying to learn Spanish, but I\'m not too good.

[Half_Pint]

Tu ne parles pas le francias, Davis?  Parce que je ne parle pas l\'espanol.  (Ou l\'anglais.)  

I only pretend.   8o

That\'s a pretty decent story, Dorbian.  I\'d rate it about a 7.5 out of 10, but it shouldn\'t take long to spiff it up a bit.

[dorbian]

The Entrance  

Dorbian woke up in a world she never saw before, Thinking she was thrown away by a whrilwind, she started to ask directions to her home town.
although she knew many languages she didn\'t understand anything that was told to her.
As weak minded as she was she started out crying, and was as helpless as a littly baby.
Not knowing what to do next she ran off to a town nearby.
Standing at the gates she noticed that nobody was opening them, so she started to look around the town walls.
Finding a spot where the wall was low enough to climb over, she used most of her strenght to climb the wall.
walking around town she saw creatures of different races she had never seen before walking around without any problems with eachother.
It all looked so peacefull.
Still having the problem not knowing what language everyone spoke she went off searching for the library.
After finding it she went to the man behind the counter.
This man did speak a language she was familliar with thus she learned wich books she could use to understand the language better.
reading for days without any sleep she started to learn the language pretty well, now she was finding out if she could actually use it in theory.
walking to the big statue in the town square she started to go to a group of people that was standing there and tried to understand what they where talking about.

\"i frte found sfwe diamond lasdi, maybe i adfe buy asdgre mug gerwi it\"

still not understanding all of it, she tried to walk around town and find a place where many people where standing, to understand as much of the language as she could.

[dorbian]

Title less

note: i\'m goin to try a different approach although nobody reads it i think it is fun to do and i will keep on going to get a history file for myself.

As i was walking trough town i found myself at the entrance of a tavern, now because i\'\'m a smart enkidukai i went into a tavern.
all the people there where talking the foreign language I didn\'t knew, but with the book in my paw i went to the bar and order a big mug with beer.
After a couple of hours i learned most of the language, and i was quite satisfied with the result.
walking back to the library a few dwarfs where arguing about one book.
with a quick impulse i threw my stick between them and i made them stop.
Walking towards the dwarfs i felt a angry type of karma.
As quick as i could i picked up my stick and i ran like never before.
With the dwarfs on my tail i ran into a big temple running towards something that looked like a well.
With a big jump i reached the well, after a quick look i noticed the well has no water but the angry dwarfs where still hunting me like crazy.
Without any hesitation i jumped in and fell down a long way.
when i woke up from the fall i was on a platform, i could see the dwarfs on the top of the well trying to throw stones at my head (  this explaines why i\'m so ugly ).

and i don\'t know what to type next and i\'m finished teaching now so i can go home.