Author Topic: The Rising of Phinehas  (Read 1170 times)

Phinehas

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The Rising of Phinehas
« on: February 28, 2004, 01:41:32 am »
Ok people here\'s a story for you. It\'s mostly about my character with references to our guild. It\'s eventually going to be part of our library so the people can read it when this thread\'s been long forgotten, but I want to try it out first. Here\'s the first installment, not much combat yet, sorry. lol




    I smile as I walk through the busy streets of Hydlaa. It?s a beautiful day out and I?m on my way to my favorite tavern to have a drink and meet up with a promising new recruit. I see a couple of men staring at me as I walk past and hear the one whisper to the other, ?That?s Phinehas, he?s leader of Cutting Edge, friend of such great men as Draklar, Monketh, and Druke. Even Kada and Mogura have been known to greet him with a friendly smile.? Yes, that was a good description of me, ?friend of the great ones.?
    By the time I finally reach Kada?s Tavern I?m ready for a good drink. As I walk in I survey the crowd, searching for friends or potential problems. Seeing none, I follow the barmaid to the table in the darkened corner, the one reserved for the more, shall we say, socially elite of the regulars. As I sit there I continue to observe people, a habit which can save one?s life at times, and give you a great advantage over other?s in any situation. ?No one particularly troublesome looking today, although? maybe? yes, I thought so. That diavoli at the bar is eyeing the good-looking Enkidukai by the fire. She looks rather timid, I?m guessing this?ll turn into trouble.? I reach back just in time to catch the mug as the barmaid trips on the loose plank protruding from the floor. I can see the fear in her eyes as she manages to get out a weak, ?I?m sorry, sir.? I smile at her, knowing she expects some kind of punishment I reach into my pocket, pull out a coin, and hand it to her, assuring her that it?s alright. Ah, spreading joy is refreshing, almost as refreshing as the large mug of milk before me. I love milk, besides being beneficial to my health, it?s absolutely delicious. One of the good things about being an Enkidukai is that I don?t find beer very appealing, in fact, I prefer milk to any drink I know of. This is fortunate, because no one ever drinks themselves unconscious with milk, and if you?re not unconscious, the chances are much less that one of those two goons I see eyeing me will try and nab my wallet, or worse. Sitting here with my milk, waiting on the new recruit I have nothing to do but reminisce on the circumstances that made me what I am today?.
   I remember how even at a very young age I knew I was different from my friends in the village. All young Enkidukai have fast reflexes, but apparently I was the only one who could pierce a flying bee with my claw. Oh sure, that?s nothing special in the adult world, but for a six year-old?? When I was seven my father explained to me how our family has always been the fastest, smartest, and strongest in our little village of Kaarum, which is also why my ancestors have been leading this village for as long as anyone can remember. This knowledge satisfied me for a while, but during the next few years I began to realize that with me, it was more than that. It was more than just a family trait, it was, well? special. By the time I was eleven there was not a single Enkidukai under 18 years of age who could stand up to me in combat, and even the adults didn?t exactly relish ?training? with me. I asked my father for permission to travel to another village where the inhabitants dabbled in magic. He approved and I spent the next two years in Saido studying the many ways and paths of magic. By the time I returned to Kaarum on my thirteenth birthday I was well versed in all the basics of magic, from fireballs to healing.
  I spent the next year trying to fit in. It never happened. I was bigger than Kaarum, I needed more space. I could see it, the villagers could see it, in fact, the only one who couldn?t was my father. One day I took him outside, determined that he would finally understand. Unfortunately, a sudden gust of wind took my fireball onto the thatch roof of our house, or what used to be our house. By the time we got the fire out, half the village had been burnt down, and I was on my way to Hydlaa. Unfortunately, instead of being sent out to bring glory to my village and family, I was banished. The fire scared the people, who already realized how powerful I was, and scared my father, who didn?t. I was glad to be on my way, but sad in the knowledge that I?d never see my father or my village again.
   The trip to Hydlaa did nothing but boost my ego. I was attacked by a lone highwayman, a kran. This kran was especially stupid, he knew nothing about battle tactics. He didn?t even have the common sense to realize that a kran against an Enkidukai is ridiculous. I was way too fast for him to hit me, and way too strong for him to last long against my counterattacks. After leaving him in the middle of the road, I made my way to Hydlaa. I entered the city still fresh with the pride of my recent victory. I was soon to find out that the one thing I couldn?t afford in Hydlaa, was pride.

Ice_Phoenix

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« Reply #1 on: February 29, 2004, 12:48:29 am »
Well what can I say? Honestly: nice but the story is usually written in Past tenses so... IMHO the story in Present doesn\'t sound nice... But the story line is great!

PS Molodec!

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Phinehas

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« Reply #2 on: February 29, 2004, 01:00:57 am »
The whole point is that I wanted to write it in present tense. Very few fantasy stories are written that way, it\'s good, it gives you an insight into what the person\'s thinking, instead of just saying Phinehas thought.... However, I know I do need to refine my technique.

Phinehas

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« Reply #3 on: February 29, 2004, 11:32:00 pm »
Ok, is this story really that bad? Could I have some comments please? I mean, should I even bother posting the rest of it when it\'s ready?

Monketh

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« Reply #4 on: March 01, 2004, 12:30:20 am »
It\'s ok.
But no one ever reads this forum...
*Watches plastic bag blow across the road*
The key to manipulative bargaining is to ask for something twice as big as what you want, then smile and nod when you are talked down to your original wish. You are still young, my apprentice, and have much to learn in the ways of the force. -UtM

Phinehas

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« Reply #5 on: March 01, 2004, 01:10:55 am »
Yeah, I\'m starting to realize that. Oh well.

Ice_Phoenix

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« Reply #6 on: March 01, 2004, 04:36:42 pm »
There aren\'t many people who like to read here I think... Well bad for them!

Proud Spellsword of the Arcane Order.