*blows dust off thread*
One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in tiny town wakes up early and goes to their local church. Before the service starts, the townspeople sit in their pews and talk about their lives and their families.
Suddenly, at the altar, Satan appears!! Everyone starts screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in their determined efforts to get away from Evil Incarnate. Soon, everyone is evacuated from the church except for one man, who sit calmly in his pew, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God\'s ultimate enemy is in his presence. This confuses Satan a bit. Satan walks up to the man and says, \"Hey, don\'t you know who I am?\" The man says, \"Yep, sure do.\"
Satan says, \"Well, aren\'t you afraid of me?\" The man says, \"Nope, sure ain\'t.\"
Satan, perturbed, says, \"And why aren\'t you afraid of me?\" The man says, \"Well, I\'ve been married to your sister for 25 years.\"
There\'s this guy who had been lost and walking in the desert for about 2 weeks. One hot day, he sees the home of a missionary. Tired and weak, he crawls up to the house and collapses on the doorstep. The missionary finds him and nurses him back to health. Feeling better, the man asks the missionary for directions to the nearest town. On his way out the backdoor, he sees this horse. He goes back into the house and asks the missionary, \"Could I borrow your horse and give it back when I reach the town?\"
The missionary says, \"Sure but there is a special thing about this horse. You have to say \'Thank God\' to make it go and \'Amen\' to make it stop.\"
Not paying much attetion, the man says, \"Sure, ok.\"
So he gets on the horse and says, \"Thank God\" and the horse starts walking. Then he says, \"Thank God, thank God,\" and the horse starts trotting. Feeling really brave, the man says, \"Thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God\" and the horse just takes off. Pretty soon he sees this cliff coming up and he\'s doing everything he can to make the horse stop.
\"Whoa, stop, hold on!!!!\"
Finally he remembers, \"Amen!!\"
The horse stops 4 inches from the cliff. Then the man leans back in the saddle and says, \"Thank God.\"
An Israeli soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3-day pass.
The CO says \"Are you crazy? You just join the Israeli army, and you already want a 3-day pass? You must do something spectacular for that recognition!\"
So the soldier comes back a day later in an Arab tank!
The CO was so impressed, he asked \"How did you do it?\"
\"Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the border with the Arabs. I approached the border, and saw an Arab tank. I put my white flag up, the Arab tank put his white flag up. I said to the Arab soldier, \"Do you want to get a three-day pass? So we exchanged tanks!\"
TALk about peace !
AND this is fer you davis
This fellow is looking to buy a saw to cut down some trees in his back yard. He goes to a chainsaw shop and asks about various chainsaws. The dealer tells him, \"Look, I have a lot of models, but why don\'t you save yourself a lot of time and aggravation and get the top-of-the-line model. This chainsaw will cut a hundred cords of wood for you in one day.\"
So, the man takes the chainsaw home and begins working on the trees. After cutting for several hours and only cutting two cords, he decides to quit. He thinks there is something wrong with the chainsaw. \"How can I cut for hours and only cut two cords?\" the man asks himself. \"I will begin first thing in the morning and cut all day,\" the man tells himself. So, the next morning the man gets up at 4 am in the morning and cuts and cuts, and cuts till nightfall, and still he only manages to cut five cords.
The man is convinced this is a bad saw. \"The dealer told me it would cut one hundred cords of wood in a day, no problem. I will take this saw back to the dealer,\" the man says to himself.
The very next day the man brings the saw back to the dealer and explains the problem. The dealer, baffled by the man\'s claim, removes the chainsaw from the case. The dealer says, \"Hmm, it looks fine.\"
Then the dealer starts the chainsaw, to which the man responds, \"What\'s that noise?
( ps: i worte in proper eng so you guys can read them)
