The New Inquisition[Cancelled]

[A_Traveller]

[For the record, The Inquisition didn't just Burst out of no where, it's in my previous work( which is regarding a player named amaymon) and so didn't just go POOF and become well known. In the right circles it is infamous and has in fact been responsible for several upstirings.)

[Prolix]

[I think the main problem is that you are trying to do too much too fast. It seems to me that at your current rate of output your revolution will be done before summer is and mostly forgotten by Christmas. Now if you are going for such a flash in the pan because you have 100 more ideas following behind and this is just prelude that is fine and dandy, otherwise I think you might want to try to draw it out more. Another thing is if you have several other players supporting the development of these events you might want to have them post some instead of relying on A_Traveller. Perhaps, though, this anonymous (misspelt) traveler is actually a key figure in everything and not just your voice on the forum.]

* Prolix starts to surreptitiously follow A_Traveller to find out where he goes and who he is, losing him in favor of being himself noticed.

* Prolix then starts to ask questions.

[RichardShru]

[hey, I'm here posting ain't I?  . If you ask me, its going at a decent pace, but if we slowed down the arrivial  of the revolution RP,t certainly wouldn't hurt anything.]

EDIT: {after looking on the next topic, I noticed the new RP for the revolution is up, so I will be supporting it as I had before.  }

[Candy]

[I'd post as Monala, but she only has a slight suspicion that the mercenaries are still around; she only knows for sure that Gabrien is dead.

EDIT: I did think the name "Inquisition" was a bit unfortunate, though...:|]

[A_Traveller]

[There is a difference between a Mecenary army and just an Army in RL there are mercenary armies being used in iraq. they are very small, perhaps four squads tops, I have taken out the word Infamous to save time, but they are none the less a Mercenary army, which doesn't mean they have thousands of men... just a few squads of men]

[Donari Tyndale]

[You don't want to save time when roleplaying . The time you save might be very interesting to roleplay.]

[A_Traveller]

[It is not an amazingly Horribly Hyper super exciting Uber-Fast start, it is a funeral and a dwarf speaks about how he's being promoted... SERIOUSLY PEOPLEZ!!!! lol]

[piprees]

[OK first and foremost - A_Traveller - well done on effort even though you need to develop your background a little before posting, dont be disheartend by the feedback you have recieved, the entire commnunity mean well and are trying to help you develop your story lines.

Second go easy people - at least you could have given him the chance to develop it a little before ripping him to shreads.

In regards to the army/band of brothers etc - a group of people can call them selves what ever they want, the outside world however may view themselves differently (ever heard the term one man army)

All i will say to a_traveller is have a little rethink about what your trying to achieve with your storyline and work it into the settings - flesh it our a little more before you post (your proberbly still get some people attacking you, but then greatness does not come simply)

Keep up the effort and LISTEN to people views without offence (and to others if you give your views, keep it constructive and think about how easily people can be offended when there pet project is ripped to bits)]

[A_Traveller]

[The New Inquisition has been Cancelled!]