Blooded Satire

[bloodedIrishman]

Note that this is not random poetry. It is designed with some meaningful critique to aspects of the playerbase. Satire is essentially the use of sarcasm, irony and ridicule to denounce something.The satire posts beginning from 1 and on are told from a speakers voice, between breaths, and no consistency in structure or rhyming is followed.

Satire Introduction, 1-10 are now in the topic
Satire Introduction

An old man rises from a cot, coughing while the cold causes him to shudder. He walks over to the window and closes it, cursing himself for his forgetfulness. He looks about his room and smiles.

An hour later he walks out of his home, a sturdy two room house, built years ago by his dead brother. Running a lined hand through his graying hair, he looks out the door. A large green field stands before his home, as it always did. Tall green trees line the distance, and the clouds lazily extend over the sky. He chuckles, and is once more reminded of the circular nature of things. He remembers his days as a child, wandering the very same field, playing with his brother.

Squinting, he stares intently at the field. He sees a figure walking slowly across it, in the direction of the house. When the figure comes closer, the old man notices the weary expression and hunched back. Calling in a surprisingly loud voice the old man yells, "Get inside you wandering fool!".

[Archon]

(I enjoyed it Nice work on your piece. I do have one thing though.. Would this not fit better in the story writing section of the forum?)

[bloodedIrishman]

I've begun a storyline in the roleplay (communitive writing) section and a series of light hearted wisdom pieces. I did not want to overflow it. Thankyou for the compliment, I enjoyed writing it.

[Geoni]

Those who know me, know that i love to tell stories when i am casually mining, at the oja mines of course. I have never given it thought that i should right down my stories [in planeshift] OOC (I guess that i am too tied up with being a writer as it is!) Great story by the way keep the satire bleeding

[bloodedIrishman]

I intend to continously make pieces. In the realm of satire, I am sometimes lacking in ideas.

[Akkaido Kivikar]

Just realised which guild or guild type he was writing poetry about. Very funny hehe

[bloodedIrishman]

One.

The Lords of Lolling, LoL (Masters of Move)

Hail traveler, shall I tell you a tale?
There, take a seat,
A windstorm is about, but it is fitting, this gale,
I shall deliver to you a stirring tale, of great feats

Once, in this vast land there was a man,
Born out of cruel oppression,
From his troubles, he had not ran,
His courage had not diminished under this suppression,

He gathered about him men of great intelligence,
Of strength and wisdom,
From that point, he has not been alone since,
Generic sabers and plate armor they did don,

They set upon themselves to become stronger,
To defeat their oppressors,
The hunted to become the hunter,
Days upon days were spent, defeating monsters in a routine,

They echoed their rousing cry,
It has been a long time since I’ve heard it
Ah, yes, I remember it, ever so clearly now!
“We travel about; we dance to music, and are not fearful!”

They became stronger, oh yes, some having one hundred lessons in many skills from great masters of combat!
They now saw their chance to slay their oppressors, their foes,

Gathering together in the plaza, he drew his sword,
Seeing others, with bare armor and minute battle experience
He called for war!
These others were their oppressors, and they thirsted for vengeance,

No matter the octarchal rules,
They etched their stirring cry!
“We travel about; we dance to music, and are not fearful!”

They had defeated all their enemies, those who had oppressed them for so long!
The injustice, the injustice! They cried,
Had been vanquished,
Once more, on the bodies of their oppressors, they cried their motto!
“We travel about; we dance to music, and are not fearful!”

Some have accused them of rank hypocrisy, hah!
How could these champions of the blade,
These heroes of mindless hacking and slashing ever, ever
Be considered hypocritical?

A damnable lie!

They did not draw blades in the plaza to reveal their ignorance
They did not spend hours droning upon a spawned monster to avoid the central aspects of Yliakum life!
No, they drew their blades because they had to!
No, they spent hours droning on a spawned monster because it’s what this is all about!

I consider those who admonish these people based on their words and actions as illogical!
Irrational!
Unreasonable!


Traveler it appears I have talked for hours,
And you are famished from the journey,
Rest in the house while I prepare the meal,
And let the tale simmer in your mind

[bloodedIrishman]

I am dissapointed that the victims of my satire do not understand it's meaning or whom it targets.

[bloodedIrishman]

Two.

The Mighty n00b pwner (Griefer)

Good afternoon traveler,
You have risen to the sunshine,
While you eat I will tell you a tale,
Of a Gladiator!

The grand Arena,
Its every floor filled with danger,
But one pit retains the mightiest warriors,
Named the Dlayo Gladiators,

There combatants from across Yliakum came,
Seeking to test their mettle,
There they would find true battle,
Against warriors of equal strength,


Our Gladiator heard of this pit,
And sought it thus,
Coming upon it he saw a flow of fighters,
Seeking engagement with another,

His first day,
He donned his axes, his plate armor, and his battle helm,
And charged thus into the fray,
Attacking any who entered,

Those unawares,
And those alert to the danger,
Novices fell before his blades,
And veterans died beneath his backstabs,

He was honorable!
Friends sought vengeance,
And he was conspicuously gone,
Not hiding, no! But busy,

Daily he came to the pit,
Shouting his cry!

“I freakin pwned your ass!”

And soon the combatants came to know him,
This great Gladiator,
Who spit on corpses and bowed to them,
Shouting his cry!

“I freakin pwned your ass!”

Our Gladiator heard of a rogue camp in the wilds,
And sought it, yet he observed it lacking,
They say; it did not have novices to catch unawares,
And veterans to backstab,

Bah! All lies!

He returned to the pit,
And sought these foes,
Others have said it was a crutch for his pitiful roleplaying!
Yet to this day, I do not know of what they speak,

They simply are denying his obvious greatness,
They cannot see the splendor of his legacy!
The intelligence behind his cry!
“I freakin pwned your ass!”
And once more I hear it in the distance,
It rings in my ears

Traveler you have finished your meal,
It is time then to gather wood,
For the coming meal, and the night,
Grip the axe and I might tell you another on the way

[bloodedIrishman]

Three.

The Critics of the Founders (Some critics of Planeshift Devs)

Traveler it is a beautiful day,
The sun shines down and renews us,
Our weary bones strengthened,
Our minds free of worry for the time being

While we journey to the woods,
I’ll tell the tale of a village,
Its history one of domination,
And inhumanity,

It was spawned from cutthroats and villains,
Few in number,
They were focused on evil intents,
And malign designs,

They created a despotic government,
These rogues and sadists,
Creating homes for the homeless,
And food for the hungry,

The houses they built were well structured,
And done with hard work,
Each formed with time and effort,
All for the sake of immorality,

Other men and woman came to live in the village,
And they were dignified and upright citizens,
They were offered free housing,
With food and drink,

The cutthroats charged merely the help of the citizens,
If it would please them,
What vile and twisted manner of extortion!
And soon the upstanding citizens became slaves,

Their slave overseers brutal,
And working the citizens to the bone,

The founders were tyrants!
Bent on annihilation of good!

Some have said that the founders were decent men,
And that they were merely doing good deeds,
Lies, lies, and lies!
They clearly were malicious and cruel!

Certain citizens critiqued the cutthroats,
Calling them lazy and unable to achieve,
That they were liars,
And thieves,

The founders were tyrants!
Bent on annihilation of good!

Some have said that those certain citizens were hypocrites,
For naming problems but no solutions,
For accusing the founders without basis,
Or any worth whatsoever,

The cutthroats expanded the town slowly but surely,
And it grew consistently centered on hard work,
While many citizens still enslaved over their toils,
And the certain citizens created underground resistances,

The founders were tyrants!
Bent on annihilation of good!

Lo! They were brave these certain citizens,
Standing against the tide of evil,
They were the bulwark of righteousness,
And true justice!

Some have said that these certain citizens were the problem themselves,
That their critiques being unfounded only hurt the expansion of the village,
That they simply had the choice to leave if they disagreed,
That they had much handed to them but still found many problems where there were none,

The founders were tyrants!
Bent on annihilation of good!

The cutthroats merely continued their endeavor,
Knowing many people saw it was inherently good,
And based on fine intentions and works,
All the while the resistance lived on,

Some have said that the certain citizens always had the chance to help,
And partake in the village’s flourishing,
As many others did,
What illusion is this?

The founders were tyrants!
Bent on annihilation of good!

They were cruelly forced to labor,
And suppressed of their opinions,
And oppressed to the bitter end,
I cannot bear the cutthroats sins!

It is clear now that the cutthroats were pure evil,
And on a solid foundation critiqued,
And the certain citizens infallible in their criticisms,
That the village is a stain upon the land,

We near the woods,
And you are warned that dangers lurk ahead,
But for now let us taste the fruits of nature,
While we enjoy each others company

[bloodedIrishman]

Four.

Demigods; 'The Invincible'! (Godmodders)

Friend we come upon the woods,
A realm of ancient beings,
You will find the terrible here,
And the wondrous,
While we walk through the woods,
I will tell you another tale,
One of ‘the invincible'!

There are those in this world friend,
That are gifted with enormous power,
They are called ‘the invincible’!
By the hand of the Gods they were blessed!

Friend, they are ‘demigods’
They cannot be defeated!

Their defenses are indestructible, as a God!
Their armor cannot be penetrated,
Their defensive skills without flaw,
They themselves are a moving wall of steel!

Friend, they are ‘demigods’
They cannot be defeated!

Their speed is Godlike!
They are very swift over land,
And fast on their toes,
They cannot be hit; no matter the foe!

Friend, they are ‘demigods’
They cannot be defeated!

Their strength is Herculean!
Unbelievably strong; they can crush anyone,
They can lift any boulder,
Push any mountain,
Wield any weapon!

Friend, they are ‘demigods’
They cannot be defeated!

Some have said that they are too scared to fight correctly,
Some have said that these demigods are arrogant,
And a pain to be with,
But I cannot comprehend how they would be so; since their power is clearly real!

Friend, they are ‘demigods’
They cannot be defeated!

Some have titled them ‘godmodders’,
But still; what do they mean?!
They are clearly born with that power,
And they clearly are that strong,

There is no doubt about it!

Friend, they are ‘demigods’
They cannot be defeated!

They come to this land,
And when they fight,
They cannot be beaten,
And thus they earn the undeserved title of ‘godmodder’

Friend; do you doubt my words?
What, you say if the demigod counters every attack it is unreal?
LIES!
What, you say if the demigod has AFTER SITTING AROUND IN TAVERNS THE WHOLE TIME can suddenly defeat anyone, is a load of bull?
LIES!
What, you say if the demigod doesn’t have the stats and skills whatsoever to back up their actions they are full of it?
Firstly, what are ‘stats and skills’ friend?
Oh, you say they are the ACCUMULATION OF A PERSONS FIGHTING EXPERIENCE AND CAPABILITY, THUS IF THEIR STATS AND SKILLS ARE NOT HIGH ENOUGH, ITS UNLIKELY THEY COULD BE AS STRONG AS THEY PRETEND TO BE?
LIES!

Nonetheless friend,
I say these demigods are not ‘godmodders’,
No!
I say they are true fighters, true warriors!


We have passed through the forest for quite some time,
And it grows darker,
And the journey becomes more dangerous,
But yet, sun still shines above us; lighting the path,
Stand close, and let us find a suitable tree

[jaculapundactum]

I am dissapointed that the victims of my satire do not understand it's meaning or whom it targets.

 Very entertaining, I must say. Keep up the good work 

[bloodedIrishman]

Five.

True Zealots of Dakkru! (Cafeteria Dakkruists)


Friend I believe this is the tree,
Yes, go ahead and begin chopping,
And while you do so,
I will tell you another tale!
Of devoted Dakkru zealots!

You know of Dakkru,
Goddess of the Death Realm,
Lady of passing,
And matron of cutthroats,

Overseer of the natural cycle of life and death,

Her followers meant to maintain the cycle,
By supplying her with tribute,
By their justified killing,
Sustaining the natural world,

Master of the Death Realm,

Her gaze watches over the Death Realm,
Her followers meant to pass through,
Read her tomes and grasp the knowledge she hands them,
It is their home,

These are what the true zealots of Dakkru must be

And clearly in our land,
None of her zealots have defiled these guidelines,
Desecrated her revelations,
Or become ignorant to their purpose,

Her followers are all devout to her every word,

Some have said that some zealots have become cafeteria Dakkruists,
Walking along and choosing what they like,
Nitpicking their beliefs,
Randomly choosing their ideals,
As if the faith is for the undecided,

Her followers are all well educated in her teachings,

Some have said that some zealots have become stupidly ignorant of the Lady’s word,
That they take on the façade of Dakkruism,
And make up beliefs and teachings of Dakkru,
And act in a way that is unbefitting to a true fanatic of the faith,

Her followers do not assume the standard of Dakkru as a façade,

Some have said that some zealots disguise themselves as a Dakkruist for no reason,
Lying of their religious disposition and shaming the name,
Wandering around and saying, “May Dakkru always give you a shadow to hide in”
Wearing stupid pendants to show they are followers,

Her followers are not complacent, passive vagabonds who do not bloody their hands,

Some have said that some zealots do not take up the sword when it is their duty,
Becoming peaceful and accepting those who Dakkru calls to be executed,
Not committing sacrifices and bloody tribute,
And not slaughtering Atheists,
And not joining in war with Chaos,

But I disagree,

Faith is clearly for those with ignorant minds, empty hearts, false intentions and lies,
For these ‘some’ that ‘some’ described are this.

That is enough wood
And should last for several days,
Darkness is catching up to us,
And we should hurry out of the forest,
Lest a wild beast find us and make us its dinner

[bloodedIrishman]

Six.

Sages (Maxed in all Ways)

Friend darkness has come,
The cold has crept upon us,
Let us hurry out of this forsaken forest,
And huddle together,
While I tell the next tale

You have in your travels,
Met a magician?
Wielders of the arcane arts,
Beholders of supernatural power,

Some born with talent for these arts,
And some without,

There exist a number of magic ways,
And most magicians study one,
For all they could hope for,
Is to master but one alone,

Yet there exist the special few,
They have mastered all the ways of magic,
They are the Sage’s friend!

They spent many years researching tomes,
And ancient books,
In vast libraries and collections,
Learning and developing their mind,

They spent many years practicing the movements,
And training themselves in disciplines,
Growing their own mana pool by training,

They spent many years searching for glyphs,
These glyphs of power,
That would unlock spells through research,
The exhausting searching and finding,

This is what these Sages are!
For how else could they have mastered all Ways of Magic?

Some have said that these Sages did not spend many years researching,
That with the click of a mouse they found their intelligence,
Yet even to this today I think this is gibberish!

Some have said that the Sages did not spend many years practicing,
That their knowledge of magic came through easy routine,
And not exhausting practice,

This is what these Sages are!
For how else could they have mastered all Ways of Magic?

Some have said that the Sages did not spend many years searching for Glyphs
Or finding spells,
That their glyphs were bought in stock from a merchant,
And that their spells also come from the click of a mouse,

This is what these Sages are!
For how else could they have mastered all Ways of Magic?

I have found the critique of these Sages insulting,
That somehow they did not spend their whole lives absorbed in the process of it,
How dare they?

Some have said that the Sages merely went into the trepor pit and gathered progression points,
But I am at a loss to what this means!

Some have said that the Sages merely gathered tria from killing gobbles and selling sed’s to miners,
But I am at a loss to what this means!

Some have said that the Sages wearing Battle Helms and Heavy Armor is probably the most ridiculous thing ever,
But I am at a loss to what this means!

Clearly the Sages are knowledgeable, hard working, and wise magicians whose whole lives were spent to the task of mastering all ways of magic,

Clearly it is entirely possible for a real person to master all the ways of magic within several months by standing in one place,

Friend we have met the treeline,
Look behind us!
Arangma begin to stalk us!
They creep from the treetops!
Flee! Flee! Flee!
Hurry into the fields

[bloodedIrishman]

Seven.

The Whisper's Followers (Black Flame followers)

Friend we have left that hellish forest,
And come upon this grassy field,
And while we cross it I’ll carry part of your burden,
And tell you a tale

In this world friend there exist evil beings,
Bent on spreading chaos,
And committed to vice,
They do not befit our good places,

They are the antithesis of the natural order,
The enemies of the gods; Talad, Laanx, Xiosia and Dakkru,
The forsaken of society and civilization,
The mentally insane, the serial killers, the fallen and the lost,

They are sworn to secrecy,

They hide behind cloaks and shadows,

They are adept in combat,

They are spreaders of dissension among the masses,

They are bound by true death to their calling of whispers,

Some have said that certain followers have become obvious,
Calling themselves the whisper’s minions in public,
And claiming their following to the anti-faith,

Because somehow these followers heard of the whisper and publicly spoke of it without being left dead in the street, somehow it’s possible for a person to openly talk about the whisper without reaping the consequences,

But I disagree, for clearly the whisper isn’t strong enough to kill off the fools who don’t understand what they deal with, such as a child dwarf who screams of the whisper in the middle of a city, clearly that is entirely possible,

Some have said that certain followers are idiots in cloaks,
Donning midnight blue flowing cloaks that cover themselves ENTIRELY,
So they are completely unrecognizable and unseen,

Because somehow a person can wear a cloak and be utterly unnoticeable and unrecognizable, somehow a person can hide in shadows and camera zoom over walls and fences to see their targets, somehow a person can hear through thick walls and tavern floors.

But yet, I think that it’s entirely possible for someone TO LITERALLY BE UNSEEN AND UNRECOGNIZABLE IN A FLOWING CAPE, And what does it mean to camera zoom? I do not understand, and clearly ANYONE CAN HEAR THROUGH WALLS AND FLOORS,

Some have said that certain followers rely on their roleplay fighting and have nothing to back them up,

Because somehow a person CAN CREATE A CHARACTER AND TWO WEEKS LATER DEFEAT ANYONE AS A FOLLOWER OF THE WHISPER, because clearly stats and skills have no measure in a persons fighting ability, somehow A GUY WHO JUST SITS IN TAVERNS AND WATCHES PEOPLE WITH 34 MELEE CAN BEAT ANYONE, clearly this is so,

Some have said that certain followers have just roleplayed within their own lame circles, creating alts and recycling the same old stuff,

Because somehow as a follower of the whisper a person doesn’t SPREAD DISSENSION, LIES AND DECEIT AS IT’S ----MEANT TO BE---, because somehow as a follower of the whisper a person can just recycle alts and play with the same people over and over again, still achieving the whispers desires, clearly this is so,

Bah! What lies and nonsense, what is an alt? what circles? clearly you can be a follower of the whisper by wandering around Hydlaa and making alts and playing around with your friends, la-te-da-te-da, clearly this is so,

Some have said that certain followers are unable to realize how being a follower of the whisper means THEY ARE SLAVES, PAWNS, MINIONS AND BOUND TO IT UNTIL DEATH, AS IN, YOU –CANT- LEAVE, -EVER-, AS IN, YOU CANT BE A PRETTY LITTLE NOLTHRIR GIGGLING AROUND

Because somehow a person can follow the whisper on a whim, and do the quests in the sewer and prance around the tunnels and alleyways having fun, because somehow you can be a follower of the whisper for some time then leave and become a defender of Yliakum! clearly this is so,

Once more, I detest these accusations! Clearly a person can become a follower of the whisper as a funny joke, and leave later on for the kicks and giggles,

Truly,

It’s not as if this hypothetical temple is open to people who godmod cloaks, shadows, spying, saboteur, assassination, and roleplay fighting,

Or

Stay in annoying roleplay cliques,

Or

Pretend to be strong when they are a two week old character with nothing to show for the big talk

Clearly,

I find all these nitpicking, baseless words and criticisms unfounded! They are lies!

It appears we’ve crossed the field my friend,
And look we have forgotten how exhausted we are,
We’ll go into my humble home and drink a tea,
And perhaps discuss the current politics