"And even in real life, that level of understanding and consideration is not even normal."
Actually, I know a good few folks from another internet community who are much like Danao. I also know one or two folks in real life with a similar circumstance ( though not exact) and have seen the same reactions in real life. Most, but not all people are in fact generally accepting or at least outwardly polite while secretly curious, however its only when the discussions touch certain sore spots that there is any conflict. Usually, from my experience, its when people exhibit ignorance or assumptions of a heterosexual, cisgendered norm that conflicts in discussion arise - or when people question the validity of one's gender expression or gender identity.
Out of curiousity, in your rp with Danao, do characters avoid such topics with him? If so, have you considered going there with Danao? Ie. Somehow exploring these topics and exposing his sensitivities?
Again, if you need a certain type of response from other players in order to feel like it was a good RP, then that might be a problem. That's part of why I'm not really into RP as much as I used to be. I actually prefer writing single author short stories for this precise reason. As an author, you can shape the dialog exactly as you feel it should go.