They aren't mutually exclusive.
That's basically all I've come to realize from most of this conversation. That and yes, people have different tastes, different styles. Whether you like a harsh, gritty world like from Game of Thrones, or chattering around at tea with miss Elizabeth and "mistah Darcy" (because of course you must say it with the right inflection) it's up to you. Respecting tastes is one issue. One venue is not better than another. One genre is not better than another. No, nobody should be forced to RP something they don't wish to. Unfortunately this leads to fissures in the community at times, and that's when you start trying to compromise. But I find it's much more successful if both types of people give a little bend, and meet in the middle. That way enjoyment can be gleaned by both parties and everyone can have a good time. I've had a bit of success with this; after all, not every “villain” needs to be a serial killer. There are ways to involve different kinds of people that don't mean hours spent trying to delve into someone's psyche, which leaves some people drooling on the table, depending on the psyche.
Balance is good. And I've met quite a few people who do have that sort of balance. Jilata has the capacity to Role Play excellently in both a violent situation, and one that is more sedate, like the care for a child. Teshia can do this as well, even if you have to get to know her character fluidly first, despite her seemingly homicidal tendencies the character has so many bloody facets it takes a pickax and literal IRL years to break into the more detailed components. Rigwyn, a character I wish I could have got to know more, was far deeper than a mere brute. It was hinted at that his psychosis was a result of an abusive childhood, a detailed one, and that his actions were sprung from numerous incidences having to do with that. Dannan, one of Taya's characters, appears to be nothing more than insane on the surface, maybe even a little comically goofy. But I've had encounters with him about discussions of friendship and the like that certainly tread nowhere near the shallow end of the story pool. And personal-space-obsessed-enki-hating Travosh? The player made such an elaborate and moving love story it makes the Notebook look petty by comparison. These characters aren't merely EVIL. They're abrasive yes. They do bad things, yes. But if you dismiss then at this first scratch the surface level, you miss out on more than you will ever realize. Depth that blows your mind. Being more inclined towards action doesn't mean that you have to disregard social sorts of role play, you just lean a different way. And being a fan of your usual picnic doesn't mean you never ever should get into a spar now and then, you simply prefer something some might consider more sedate.
And that brings me to what I think some people are saying, if I might be so bold. Illysia, you want role play that involves a social sphere that is interesting in the way one might have a discourse about why they believe in certain moralities, or one that dissects a relationship with other characters, etc etc (insert further example here.). This certainly is not boring. But unfortunately, to get there “realistically,” characters have to get to know one another first. This is the snag that I think gets some people, even myself. People can only take sitting around talking about the weather for so long. Planeshift is above all a game, and it's a means of entertainment. If it is not entertaining, it does not serve its purpose. I can't say the heart of the “issue,” because hell, I'd never claim to have the kind of knowledge to take a sledge to THAT puppy, but I think one of the problems might be that people don't take the time to explore characters that aren't happy go lucky. Something that seems simple on the surface, like what looks like a run of the mill villain, might well be about as complicated as any evening spent supping and discussing personal feelings. In the opposite direction, sitting down and talking about your character's latest jilting is not boring, nor dull, to the right role player or reader, it's simply not everybody's cup of tea.
Before your eyes bleed with my wordiness, (and if you've actually read this far, whoever you are, I admire your attention span,) my point sums up pretty much to the fact that you can have BOTH in a mixture, and balance it out nicely. They really are not mutually exclusive. The sort of social thing that some people prefer can be found with a lot of characters you wouldn't think to look towards. But if a character is cracked in some fashion? If it is violent? If it appears to follow a certain formula? There could be reasons for that too. Of course it's true that not everyone is going to delve into the minds of their characters that deeply, but I really think more people than we realize do try it. It's simply important not to rule anybody out.
And yes, while it may sound like I'm just complimenting people here there is someone I have to acknowledge that does absolutely superbly with dealing in both realms without prejudice. Zalya. I admire this player, and I look up to them as someone to emulate in the way they deal with this situation. Zalya has always been supportive of both types of role play, and clearly seems to glean enjoyment from both. He/she has always been cordial in any interaction I've had with him/her, and any interaction I have seen him/her having. They're perfectly alright with being involved in role play revolving around something more action-packed, and also contended with chatter about what kind of dress would best flatter my socially awkward klyros' lean figure. I give you, m'dear, a round of applause.
...My fingers hurt.
* Mariana Xiechai runs off to find some ice.