Yea, I copied it like I do every post, just in case it times out, but I didn\'t copy it at the end, I did towards the beginning for some reason and it messed me up.
Dermorians were a time of wandering.
\"Dermorians lived in a time of wandering.\" Or, it could be \"Dermorians were in a time of wandering.\" I don\'t know how you wanted it to be.
Then, arrived at surface, the people were divided into several groups.
\"Then, arriving at the surface, the people were dividied into several groups.\"
There were tears there... decisions to take... Some stayed in the city of Yliakum, some others went back to live in the underground, and finally, others left to form their own kingdom.
\"There were tears there and decisions to make( ? ). Some stayed in the city of Yliakum, while some others went back to live in the undergrouund, and finally, others left to form their own kingdom.\"
It was prosperous and was a model of democracy that attracted people of all the races: Kran, diaboli, enkidukai, Lemurs and so many others... All aspired to it to the perfect society.
\"It was prosperous and it contained a model of democracy that attracted people from all the races: Kran, Diaboli, Enkidukai, Lemurs and so many others. All of them aspired for it to become the perfect society.\" I think that is what you wanted it to say. Correct me if I am wrong.
The lack of dialogue with the outside, and their pride, more generally, attracted the lightning of their too jealous for some of them too quarrelsome for others.
\"The lack of dialogue with the outside, and more generally, their pride attracted the lightning ( ? ) of their society that was too jealous for some and too quarrelsome for others.\" I guessed on that sentence, because I couldn\'t make out what you wanted to say with it. Also, in the first line, \"nyctalopie\" is supposed to be \"nyctalope,\" but I am not too sure.
In the second paragraph, the only mistake that I see (I read fast though) is:
They turn the city into fire and blood...
should be: \"They turned the city into fire and blood...\"
Well, that\'s about all for now. I get really careless after a while, so I can\'t do it all in one sitting. If I missed anything, feel free to correct it.