Oh and because it loves me EVEN MORE!

I downloaded the separate updater, ran it, and got this message:
Checking for updates:
This program requires admin/root or write privileges to run. Please restart the program with these.
In windows, this means right clicking the Updater shortcut and selecting "Run as administrator".
For everyone else, login as the root user. If you don't have root access, contact someone who does and ask them nicely to run the updater!
Updater finished, press enter to exit.
HAHA but I AM the admin!! I checked and double checked and yes, even triple checked...I have read/write access to everything, I am logged into the admin account. There is no reason this should be happening. Does that stop it? I think NOT!