Author Topic: Recent Rash of Rather Harsh Responses  (Read 9638 times)

kjnelan

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Re: Recent Rash of Rather Harsh Responses
« Reply #15 on: July 20, 2008, 06:04:18 pm »
Parallo, no..  Beniel was not the problem, but thank you for your "opinion".  I'm not sure what you hoped to gain by your comment, but to each their own. 

However, the difference between the game and the forum is that we often do not RP in the forums.  If there is RP it's usually the opposite of what we do in the game.  It's included in brackets or in a special section for story telling and the such.

There is also an issue here that in the "Real World" I have many ways of dealing with individuals who are rude, irresponsible, mean, threatening, hostile, and down right dangerous.  In the game or in the these forums, there is nothing apart from a few (very few) individuals who must then read many thousands of posts and even then may not do anything because there is something MORE serious going on in another thread.

Sure I can file a complaint, but such complaints usually (from personal experience as the person who harassed me long ago is still a member of PS [read below for more details but no names]).  In the real world, such people are taken away or dealt with in a court of law.  [of course in medieval times, they were either hung, staked, racked, or some other form of cruel punishment was inflicted.]

Beniel, no, yours was not the issue.  That was rather benign in comparison to what's going on.

I will not start posting links to other threads nor will I be the forum police and give out every or look for every instance of indiscretion, but what prompted me to write this thread was another thread I read in which someone was told they were stupid for asking a question and they didn't deserve to have their questions answered by anyone.  As [silly] as that may sound, that person who received that type of response is damaged.

I've actually come across many posts like that.  In defense of one particular post though, the person called a stupid newb started the thread by saying he was, but people continued smashing him anyway for asking his question.

No one is stupid; they are either misinformed, or non-informed.  But to literally slam someone to pieces because they have a question, or make an observation is morally negligent...

...

And yes, to answer [everyone's] PM'd and unspoken question [surprise, surprise I would get so many PM's over this issue] , I have been the victim of such attacks.  When I first started playing PS long ago, I started posting on the forums and such [I had a different account name and e-mail address then].  Because of one person who was literally ruthless, I quit, had my account deleted, and even had to change my e-mail address because at the time I didn't know how to hide my personal e-mail address and the person continued attacking me on my personal e-mail.

I'm seeing the same sorts of things happening and the same responses to people throughout these new and improved forums and it's making me second guess my coming back to the game.

Because of the PM's and other contacts... I am REALLY second guessing coming back.  I've only encountered 1 rude person IG, but I have a sneaky feeling there are many more!

For the most part the responses are positive, but at least one person has responded negatively and its not all that surprising.  Its not a bad post mind you, but it's still the type of thing that could have been kept to that individual rather than being spoken out loud.

Edit:

The criticism there is usually warranted and most of those threads are attacked because the poster hadn't read the stickies or done any research.

Forgive my ignorance here, but are you saying that there are times slamming someone to pieces is warranted?  For example if they are new, or if they don't read the forum rules, or if they don't search for a similar topic, or if the hair on my left index knuckle is slightly ingrown and it bothers me so I have to itch it but it's better to yell at someone in a forum?  That type of thing?

Because if that's really how you feel Waylander, then you have pretty much cinched it for me and I'll back off and leave without another word.  But if you meant something else, I'd sure like to hear it.

[please try to avoid double posting, thank you - Eliseth]
« Last Edit: July 20, 2008, 06:24:29 pm by Eliseth »

Eliseth

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Re: Recent Rash of Rather Harsh Responses
« Reply #16 on: July 20, 2008, 06:44:33 pm »
kjnelan, I'm so sorry to hear about your previous negative experiences. It saddens me to think that people of a community I love so much can stoop to such low levels.

Forgive my ignorance here, but are you saying that there are times slamming someone to pieces is warranted?  For example if they are new, or if they don't read the forum rules, or if they don't search for a similar topic, or if the hair on my left index knuckle is slightly ingrown and it bothers me so I have to itch it but it's better to yell at someone in a forum?  That type of thing?

I'm sure Waylander does not condone the "slamming" that you describe. I believe the point he was trying to make is that in the guilds forum, if someone posts a new guild that doesn't really fit into Yliakum and without having read the guildlines given, the criticism that people give is warranted.

I do not however agree with the personal attacks that some people post. It is usually in the form of sarcastic posts which contain no real input at all. By input I mean positive criticism.

I'm sure you'll agree however that the majority of our community members are quite pleasant in their forum posts, and that the problem really only lies with a relatively small minority. This unfortunately is true for most online communities, or even real life communities. Sure, leaving the community will help you, but it won't solve the problem, you'll find the same minority where ever you go.

I don't have too much more to say on this subject, but let me just reply to Tuxide

I'm not convinced that'll do anything, but maybe I don't understand what you mean.  Newcomers will always be a problem but without them this forum cannot grow.  I'm more concerned about rudeness coming from established users here.  What kind of incentive or mechanism do we need on this forum to encourage everyone to be civil?

What I mean here is that telling people to be nice is really not useful at all, we have forum rules telling people to be nice but still we get people being nasty. By setting an example ourselves, people will more likely follow suit, and if they don't, at least we know we aren't adding to the problem. When I said turn the other cheek I meant that fighting fire with fire is pointless. In other words if someone insults you on the forums, don't get upset and insult back, it only makes things worse.

I know of no such guide, please provide a URL.

http://hydlaa.com/smf/index.php?topic=32362.0

Mathy Stockington

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Re: Recent Rash of Rather Harsh Responses
« Reply #17 on: July 20, 2008, 07:11:20 pm »
The sad thing is that this nice person was so upset by us that he quit both the game and the forums. Let that be a lesson to all of us.

I tried to send him a PM and it says he no longer has an account here.

We should be ashamed.
« Last Edit: July 20, 2008, 07:49:50 pm by Mathy Stockington »
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Tuxide

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Re: Recent Rash of Rather Harsh Responses
« Reply #18 on: July 20, 2008, 10:45:20 pm »
I know of no such guide, please provide a URL.
http://hydlaa.com/smf/index.php?topic=32362.0
That's an awfully long essay.

If everyone here wrote an essay on civility and the implications of rudeness here, then maybe people here would understand more about what it means to be civil.

Eliseth

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Re: Recent Rash of Rather Harsh Responses
« Reply #19 on: July 21, 2008, 07:49:15 am »
The sad thing is that this nice person was so upset by us that he quit both the game and the forums. Let that be a lesson to all of us.

I tried to send him a PM and it says he no longer has an account here.

We should be ashamed.

No, I don't think we should be ashamed. As sad as I am to see people leave because of others, I still feel that in the end everyone's happiness depends on themselves only. Feeling ashamed is also a negative emotion and will do nothing to improve matters. What we should do is learn and move on.

Good bye kjnelan, I wish you all the best for where ever you go from here.

Lolitra, Celorrim Purrty Twins

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Re: Recent Rash of Rather Harsh Responses
« Reply #20 on: July 21, 2008, 08:49:15 am »
It is a pity that this person feels that the community of PS as a whole is to take up blame for the minority few who decide to 'hold grudges' or are still as yet 'immature' and 'vindictive' in their gaming.  The sad truth is that that there will always be those who get all in a tizz when they don't get what they want, and become nasty about it - sometimes venting out their anger in 'oh so cruel' ways, including breaking the laws of some countries by 'harassing' them - or even slandering other's names.  We all have - I have no doubt - suffered at the mercy of someone like this to some degree...  I just hope I don't become that someone - ever!

The only way to prevent this is to use the forum's tools - such as report.   We should never be ashamed of other's behaviour - only our own.   The original quote was one -about- me by Mathy...   I was ashamed of my 'over-reaction' to something, and immediately I realised my stupidity - took the time and effort - to take responsibility for my actions, to apologise, and then to take steps to ensure it did not happen again.  incidently - Mathy is a lovely person at bandaging those who have hurt emotions.

Kjnelan - You said you only came across one bad person in game - that is a good thing - the fact you think that there are more - puts you in the footing that I think you are looking for them perhaps? Just bear in mind, if you look for something hard enough - inevitably you will find it.  Any way - enjoy life where ever you go, just remember - friendships, relationships, and just acquaintances all have bad days when they say things they wish they had not... a good relationship is built on when one is able to say 'sorry' and mean it - and even stronger ones are made by people who can say 'sorry' for things they have not done - to allow the healing process to begin.
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Zan

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Re: Recent Rash of Rather Harsh Responses
« Reply #21 on: July 21, 2008, 09:27:16 am »
It's easy to be rude with someone who isn't standing infront of you. They can't smack you one or burst out into tears infront of your eyes.

Remember though that rudeness and insulting are usually done out of desparation. Often because it's the umpteenth time you have to make a remark on that yet again ... and you know they probably won't see it this time either.

The guild forums are a prime example for that. I know quite a few good people who have high hopes for the planeshift guilds, I'm one of those people. The problem is most others don't share that vision and just want to make guilds to play with friends so there is conflict. A conflict that won't be resolved easily and eventually degrades into rudeness because both sides are tired of arguing against eachother endlessly.

So remember next time that someone is rude towards you, they're just human too and maybe you're stepping on their hopes and dreams. ;)
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Mathy Stockington

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Re: Recent Rash of Rather Harsh Responses
« Reply #22 on: July 21, 2008, 01:30:01 pm »
* Mathy Stockington hugs Lolitra.

Your words are so very kind. Though, believe it or not I am also to blame for people leaving the game. I admit this is my first game, but that is no excuse for my unkind words or bad behavior. I have learned how to deal with things in a better way now. So as in everything, it is a learning experience. I just hope that people here will learn from their mistakes and make things better.

If no one else is ashamed of their behavior, so be it. I am. I wish Kjnelan would return and so many others so I could say, "I am sorry." It brings me to tears.

Life is lived forwards, but understood backwards

Dajoji

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Re: Recent Rash of Rather Harsh Responses
« Reply #23 on: July 21, 2008, 05:54:24 pm »
The sad thing is that this nice person was so upset by us that he quit both the game and the forums. Let that be a lesson to all of us.

I tried to send him a PM and it says he no longer has an account here.

We should be ashamed.

Call me crazy but as long as the user doesn't have their name in plain white and is classified as "guest", they can still receive PMs since their account still exists. Maybe you typed the wrong name?


Edit: Ok. I'm crazy I guess... It looks like the guy's account is blocking any incoming PMs even though his account still exists. ???
« Last Edit: July 21, 2008, 06:29:05 pm by Dajoji »


neko kyouran

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Re: Recent Rash of Rather Harsh Responses
« Reply #24 on: July 21, 2008, 07:36:29 pm »
See recent changes made by ACraig here: http://hydlaa.com/smf/index.php?topic=32636.0

Users are no longer instantly allowed to remove their accounts.  This user has more than likely marked their account for removal, but it won't be removed until reviewed by the administration staff, hence you can still view the account profile for the time being.

Dajoji

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Re: Recent Rash of Rather Harsh Responses
« Reply #25 on: July 21, 2008, 08:17:43 pm »
Oh, ya... forgot about that. Well, mystery solved.

Farewell kjnelan.


Parallo

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Re: Recent Rash of Rather Harsh Responses
« Reply #26 on: July 21, 2008, 11:29:57 pm »
If you are slammed to pieces by rudeness on the internet you should probably get a new hobby.
I suggest the statue of Laanx gets turned into a statue of Parallo <3. An NPC could never replace the huge hole he left in my heart when he died  :'(

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Re: Recent Rash of Rather Harsh Responses
« Reply #27 on: July 21, 2008, 11:38:46 pm »
Oh Parallo - if only life was as black and white as that...
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Rayken

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Re: Recent Rash of Rather Harsh Responses
« Reply #28 on: July 21, 2008, 11:44:38 pm »
He's got a point though--you need to be pretty thick-skinned anywhere on the internet.  'Tis the unfortunate truth.  In general, I find these forums pretty friendly.  The criticism on the guilds forum is usually merited, but often more tact would be nice.
"Here's to lowering caskets of old friends choice and consequence we'll birth a new day with the death of an old and start over, start over.  Here's to burying hatchets in those who you'd never call your friend...we'll birth a new day with the death of an old day and start over, start over!"

Parallo

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Re: Recent Rash of Rather Harsh Responses
« Reply #29 on: July 21, 2008, 11:47:31 pm »
Unless you go to forums centered around religion and not populated by total fanatics this is probably the friendliest place you'll find on the net.
I suggest the statue of Laanx gets turned into a statue of Parallo <3. An NPC could never replace the huge hole he left in my heart when he died  :'(