Author Topic: The Lord of The Spam  (Read 14485 times)

Draklar

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« Reply #90 on: March 20, 2004, 10:39:58 pm »

- \"But you must unite your armies, that\'s the only way to defeat the spam lord!\" Aendar yelled.
- \"No\" Cad shaked his head \"We won\'t send our army untill Tepsu asks us for help\"
- \"Oh well...\" Aendar shrugged \"I guess it\'s all up to the great Aendar again. You!\" He pointed at Grakrim \"You\'re coming with me to the Quakenet city!\"
- \"Bah!\" Grakrim frowned \"What did I do?\"
- \"It\'s not about what you did, but what you\'ll do!\"
- \"What? Bah!\"

Seperot, Tranor and Savion were getting closer and closer to Auran\'s place. Like Savion said, to get there they had to use the secret passage only he knew.
- \"There it is!\" shouted Savion. \"The secret passage!\"
In front of them they could see a large entrance to a cave. It was about three times taller than Savion himself.
- \"Savion!\" Tranor shouted \"This entrance is huge, how can it be secret?\"
- \"Well... did you know anything about it before?\" Savion asked
- \"err... no...\"
- \"Well duh then\" Savion rolled eyes
Suddenly they heard a loud scream. They looked up and noticed pterosaur with Xordan on its back rising up into the air. Next thing they heard was a n00b battlecry. A nearby gate opened and a great army appeared behind it.
- \"Quick! We must hide!\" Savion rushed into the cave.
After getting inside, they turned around to look at the army once again. The march didn\'t seem to have an end.
\"Savion needs to get rid of Tranor\" the creature whispered \"he could make some troubles for Savion...\"
- \"Wht are u whipreing there, maroon?\" Seperot asked Savion.
- \"Oh nothing, just... Tranor is eating a cookie!\" he yelled while pointing at the dwarf.
- \"What?\" The dwarf screamed in shock \"No I don\'t\" he started getting rid of all the cookie bits.\"
Seperot rushed at Tranor and kicked him right in the face. The dwarf then fell unconcious to the ground.
- \"good...\" Savion grinned \"Now we can get back to our journey... we should hurry.\"
And so they moved into the darkness to find their way to Auran\'s place. Seperot tried to follow Savion, but in one moment he noticed that he\'s all alone. Running through various tunnels, he tried to find his way out. Suddenly he heard something
- \"Scratch!\"
Seperot looked around but didn\'t notice anything.
- \"Scratch! Scratch!\"
The voice kept repeating. He looked around and this time he noticed some figure coming in his way.
- \"Scratch! Scratch! Scratch!\"
Dread covered Seperot and the enkidukai started running away. The figure wasn\'t going to let him go and started chasing Seperot. It was getting closer and closer and when Seperot was out of strength, suddenly he heard some voice in front of him:
- \"yes, yes... she will take care of Seperot and then Savion will take his spamzor back...\"
- \"You traitor!\" shouted Seperot and started looking for something in his pocket to throw it at Savion.
He found only one thing. It was the magical undestructable scratching pole. He thought of a plan and threw the object in the direction of the creature that was chasing him. In same moment, the creature started scratching it, giving Seperot a chance to run away. Savion looked in fear at Seperot that was running in his direction with rage in his eyes. It didn\'t take long for him to flee from the cavern. By chasing him, Seperot finally got outside. Fresh air surrounded him once again. But the creature that dwelled in cavern was still behind him. A female enkidukai jumped with a loud \"Scratch!\" scream from behind Seperot. He was helpless and soon many wounds covered his body. But suddenly Tranor rushed from inside of the cavern.
- \"Hey, cat!\" he shouted \"Wanna a cookie?\"
The creature turned around
- \"Food!\" Leaving Seperot behind she started running towards Tranor.
- \"Catch!\" Shouting that, Tranor threw the cookie over the edge.
The creature jumped after it
- \"Foooooooooooooooood!!!\" she yelled while falling down to the river.
Tranor was about to check if Seperot is stil alive, when suddenly he heard n00bs coming. Not waiting any longer, he hid behind some rocks.
- \"h3y d00d35, l00k, 50m30n3 !5 ly!n6 th3|23 !!!11\"
- \"y0! I here ya, letz chck himz out!\"
A group of n00bs approached Seperot and started inspecting him.
- \"woah! hiz steal aliv, butt dose scratch-ys! teh Mogura muzt take care o himz!\"
- \"|3u7 5h3 n3v4 l1\\/35 h3|2 v1(71m5 4l1v3! 50m37h1n6 mu57 h4pp3n3|)\"
- \"yez, n mby shez stil arond\"
- \"yo! letz tak teh cat n live thes place!\"
And so the group of n00bs took Seperot with them. Tranor knew that he shouldn\'t leave the spamzor to n00bs and decided to follow them. They went to some ruined tower and took Seperot upstairs. Tranor slowly started walking up and suddenly he heard loud shouts. Not waiting any longer, he rushed up the stairs. He could hear sounds of fight when he reached doors. They were locked, but the dwarf bashed them open. Inside he could see half-naked Seperot. His body had even more wounds than before. Many n00bs lied slaughtered on the ground, but still many were ready to fight.
- \"boo!\" shouted Tranor while waving his arms.
one of n00bs raised an eyebrow.
\"I err...\" Tranor didn\'t know what to do \"...damn\"
And so the fight started. Tranor knew that he won\'t last long if he won\'t think of something. He looked at Seperot.
- \"I have an idea\" the dwarf whispered and moved towards Seperot. He aimed and kicked Seperot right in his butt, pushing him at the n00bs. All of them rolled through the doors and then all the way downstairs. Tranor finished last of the n00bs that still were in the room and then started walking downstairs. At the very bottom he found completely mauled Seperot.
- \"Oh my dear friend Seperot\" Tranor spoken \"Look what this spamzor is doing to you...\" the dwarf grinned
- \"I...\" Seperot tried to whisper something \"...hate you\"

- \"There\'s the Quakenet city\" Aendar spoken
- \"Yea, great...\" Grakrim shrugged \"why are we here again?\"
- \"We\'re here to convince Tepsu to call Cad for help\"
The two mages passed the gate of Quakenet and started heading towards the royal palace. A lot depended on Tepsu\'s decision and Aendar hoped that it\'ll be favourable for them.
- \"It quiet here\" Grakrim mumbled
- \"Indeed, it seems like everyone here is afk...\" Aendar shrugged
Soon they reached the palace and were ready to face Tepsu. They entered it and went straight to Tepsu\'s throne room.
- \"Tepsu, can we ask for an audiance?\" Aendar spoken.
- \"Jeh. What do you want?\" Tepsu looked at the two.
- \"Auran is preparing his army. He needs to be stopped. This can only be done by uniting your forces with soldiers under king Cad\'s command!\"
- \"Before I answer this question, may I ask what happened to Newpie?\" Tepsu frowned
- \"He died.\" Aendar shrugged \"Simple...\"
- \"And it\'s all your fault!\" Tepsu started glaring at Aendar \"Now leave this place or I\'ll kick you out of Quakenet!\"
Not having any other possibility, they left the palace.
- \"So what are we going to do now?\" asked Grakrim.
- \"We need to take care of it ourselfs. Here\'s a job for you: Do you see this flare?\" Aendar pointed up \"You must climb there and lighten it.\"
- \"Can be done...\" Saying that Grakrim raised his right arm. He spoken some arcane words and zapped the flare with a spell. In same moment The flare started burning.
- \"Yea, that\'ll do too...\" Aendar shrugged.
A soldier on an nearby guard post noticed the flare and sent PM to soldier on a second guard post. This way, by sending many PMs, flare next to Cad\'s castle soon got lightened up. It was a sign to get the army ready for march to the city of Quakenet.
The army wasn\'t as big as Cad would like it to be, but there was no time to wait. They had to move on.
- \"What do you mean I can\'t come?\" Monketh asked.
- \"Well... what kind of warrior are you? What do you think you\'ll do on the battlefield?\" One of soldiers answered.
- \"I believe I could do quite much!\" Monketh crossed his arms.
Suddenly Aineko approached them.
- \"Don\'t mind them, sure you can come along.\" she smiled.
They had a long path to walk. And there wasn\'t much time. Still they had to make it to support Tepsu.

- \"I think I should take the other way\" Draklar turned to Cad
- \"The forgotten passage?\" asked Cad \"You know how dangerous it is. No one ever returned from there.\"
- \"Still I have to try. It may be the only chance to defeat Auran.\"
- \"I\'ll go with you.\" Bobodar spoken \"YOU HA...\"
- \"OK!\" Draklar interrupted him.
- \"I guess I\'ll go too\" Dorbian shrugged
- \"So be it...\" Draklar looked at the passage \"We need to go as fast as possible.\" Saying that he started walking there.
Dorbian and Bobodar looked at each other and started following him.
- \"So what\'s so special about this place?\" asked Bobodar.
- \"In former days n00bs were being fought by outnumbering them.\" Draklar spoken \"But then many of midbies and oldbies stepped away from the fight. They then were rarely or even never seen again. The cursed beings made their home around portals to other realms. Those that come there must be getting tempted to stay there. Their home is located in this passage... ah, here it is...\"
In front of them there was a small entrance to the caverns. One after another, all walked inside. In the darkness, they tried to find the right place and soon they did. In a middle of a large hall, there was located a great portal. They approached it and suddenly many figures started walking in their direction. They all were the midbies and oldbies that in former days left the fight against n00bs. The three companions soon got surrounded and one of oldbies stepped forward.
- \"Giladrial...\" Draklar crossed his arms.
- \"Yes, it\'s me, but what brings you here?\" Giladrial smiled slightly.
- \"I\'m going to take you guys to a fight that will free you\'s from thy duty\" Draklar grinned.
- \"But I don\'t want to go... I\'m fine here\"
- \"Well I guess I\'ll have to force you...\" Draklar made an evil smile
- \"Oh?\" Giladrial grinned \"And how are you going to do that?\"
- \"Well... I have thy tail!\" saying that, Draklar pulled an enkidukai tail from his pocket.
- \"My tail!\" Giladrial jumped in shock \"well... I\'m fine with my new one\" he wacked his stick in joy.
- \"Oh really?\" Draklar squeezed the tail.
- \"Nooooooo! don\'t hurt my tail... it didn\'t do any bad...\"
- \"What is thy answer then?\" Draklar smirked
- \"Ok, ok... we\'ll go, just don\'t hurt the tail...\" Giladrial shrugged.

- \"The enemies are coming!\" shouted one of guards.
Aendar and Grakrim rushed to the city walls. Far at the horizon, they could see the great march of n00bs. It was obvious, the battle will come tonight...


to be continued...
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Grakrim

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« Reply #91 on: March 20, 2004, 11:04:31 pm »
Yahoo, finally a zap I can be proud of! :P

Anyway, I\'m sure at least 70% of the people reading this thing didn\'t get the conversation with Gil... Risky move.
\" I think you should just follow Grakrim\'s advice ;)\"

\"A universe is enough for more than one opinion.\" - Maxximus

Draklar

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« Reply #92 on: March 20, 2004, 11:20:39 pm »
Most people don\'t even know who Giladrial is... oh well... for those that were here before me: Giladrial was known as Niteglade.
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AendarCallenlasse

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« Reply #93 on: March 20, 2004, 11:39:11 pm »
Wait so who was the sratching enki in the cave?

Only n00bs don't quote themselves...
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Draklar

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« Reply #94 on: March 20, 2004, 11:40:37 pm »
one of n00bs said it, read carefully :P
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« Reply #95 on: March 20, 2004, 11:49:35 pm »
Ohhhhhh I completely missed that.  Heh Moogie kicked Sep\'s arse.....that\'s funny.  :]

Only n00bs don't quote themselves...
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seperot

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« Reply #96 on: March 21, 2004, 12:09:15 am »
mea shes the only one i\'d let get away with it ;)

oh mebbie now is a good time to mention what other body parts gial has lost......everything exept his torso and head excluding ears :D

great work as always drak

Crj

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« Reply #97 on: March 21, 2004, 10:06:30 am »
Giladrial  8o
Never heard of that guy before. It also says that he registered at June 2003. I wouldnt call that uber-old. I think Cad could be older, so he dosnt relay fit in that role. Sorry if im mistaken and Giladrial is uber-old.

EDIT: Forgot to say smthn. The story r0x0rs agin.
« Last Edit: March 21, 2004, 10:07:50 am by Crj »
A new day, a new failure!

Draklar

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« Reply #98 on: March 21, 2004, 10:17:40 am »
Quote
Originally posted by Draklar
for those that were here before me: Giladrial was known as Niteglade.

Niteglade\'s ID = 2323
makes him pretty old, eh? ;)
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Crj

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« Reply #99 on: March 21, 2004, 12:06:00 pm »
Quote
Originally posted by Draklar
Niteglade\'s ID = 2323
makes him pretty old, eh? ;)



Well, hes a MB guy. Check my ID :P And i tell you, i was kinda active when MB launched, dont remember him somehow.
A new day, a new failure!

Draklar

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« Reply #100 on: March 21, 2004, 12:25:42 pm »
no, he was Niteglade in AB. Changed name just before I joined Planeshift (Somewhere in May)
And if you don\'t know Giladrial... well... that just shows how much time you spent ingame after May ;)
by the way: nice ID, but Vengeance still owns everyone ;)
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Draklar

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« Reply #101 on: March 21, 2004, 12:26:54 pm »

The army of n00bs was already standing near the walls of the Quakenet city. The two armies were already ready to fight, it was just a matter of minutes before n00bs would attack. Aendar was still trying to get as many soldiers as possible to the city walls. Suddenly they noticed n00bs pushing a machines to the battlefield. The machines were quickly put into use and the battle started. Using that primitive technology, few Krans got slinged at the walls of Quakenet. The defenders responded with slinging mud at the n00bs. After a while all of the n00bs were sent to bash the gate. Archers tried to stop them, but there were too many n00bs and the gate soon got opened. The spamg?ls joined the battle as well and started terrorizing soldiers in the whole city.
Grakrim that was standing in back lines glanced at Tepsu. The old man was mumbling something for some time now.
- \"We\'re all doomed!\" suddenly shouted Tepsu \"They\'ll bring scripts, lots of scripts! The scripts will be all around the Quakenet and we won\'t be able to do anything about it! Run! Run for your lives, before the horrible scripts will get you!\"
Grakrim wasn\'t going to look at it anymore and rushed to tell Aendar about it. Aendar was busy with bashing n00bs that were entering the city. Grakrim tried to help him, but still Aendar was fighting them madly and didn\'t notice Grakrim asking for help. Grakrim didn\'t have choice and zapped Aendar\'s butt, getting his attention in the same moment.
- \"oooook, what was that?\" Aendar raised an eyebrow.
- \"Tepsu has gone mad, he\'s shouting some creepy things! He must be stopped!\" saying that, Grakrim pointed at place where Tepsu is.
Aendar didn\'t wait any longer and rushed to talk with Tepsu. When he got to the place, Tepsu was still shouting something about scripts. There was only one thing to do. Aendar smashed Tepsu\'s head with his staff and shouted to the soldiers around \"Get back to fight!\"
The defenders of Quakenet couldn\'t stop n00bs from entering the city. The attackers were quickly taking over. Suddenly at the hill arrived Cad and his army. They weren\'t too late yet and could join the fight. And so, after getting their weapons ready, they charged at the forces of n00bs. Soldiers under command of Cad was too much for them and the defenders of Quakenet were slowly gaining lead. But those weren\'t all forces of n00bs. N00bs of the land of runescape soon joined the fight by riding on c0ws. This force was too strong for Cad. The soldiers were being smashed by the charge of c0ws and soon Cad got squashed as well. But after a while the Enkidukai was alright again.
- \"Only one life left\" Cad sighed
Suddenly something landed behind him. Cad turned around, it was Xordan. Cad didn\'t stand a chance against the powerleveler and quickly got slain with a sword. Aineko noticed it and quickly rushed to avenge cad. Xordan laughed at her.
- \"Ha! Don\'t you know that I can\'t be killed? I\'ll respawn somewhere around and get back quickly. You risk your life for nothing!\"
- \"We\'ll see about that...\" Aineko smiled and started speaking arcane words: \"/ignore Xordan\"
Suddenly Xordan\'s power started fading and he couldn\'t fight anymore. Aineko didn\'t have any more problems. She just approached him and stabbed him in the face with her galkard.
At the port arrived two ships with \"woot! we pwn u all!\" painted on them.
- \"w3ll itz ab0u7 7imez u comz!\" one of n00bs shouted \"w3 steal haf somezorz ppl to killz!\"
To their surprise on the ships appeared Draklar, Bobodar and Dorbian. But it wasn\'t all. One moment later many midbies and oldbies from the ships joined the fight to defeat n00bs. It was just a matter of time, before the Quakenet got defended.
- \"Can I have my tail now?\" Giladrial turned to Draklar
- \"Nope, sorry... I promissed to give it back to Kada...\" Draklar shrugged \"Either way you are free now\"
- \"but... well... ok, ok... nevermind\" Giladrial shrugged and took all the forgotten ones back to the portal.

- \"So what now?\" asked Draklar \"What should be our next move?\"
- \"Now we\'ll go straight to Auran\'s place!\" Aendar grinned
No one had anything against that and soon the armies united were ready to face the source of the spam. It was a dangerous move, but it was better than just wait for next attack to come. Soon they arrived to the gate of Auran\'s place. Many n00bs were standing on the walls waiting for a command to attack. Suddenly the gate opened and n00bs started surrounding them. They were outnumbered, but still believed that they can win. All the n00bs stopped and got ready to fight. One moment later Draklar received a PM from Auran:
- \"Hey there sonny boy, why do you fight on the side of those losers? Why not join me in the darkness. Yes, don\'t you know? Only by being a n00b you can be evil. So much to learn o\' young one. And cookies are free today, in three, yes THREE!!! flavours. So join me today and get your brand new, FREE button! What button you ask? See? You still have so much to learn! THE button of course! Don\'t be a fool, you can\'t reject that offer! It\'s a button we\'re talking about, a BUTTON, sonny...\"
Draklar looked around and after a while shouted to all the soldiers:
- \"Let\'s kick their arses!\"
And so the battle started. Everyone knew that they\'ll have to give everything they have into it to defeat their enemies.

- \"Seperot, look!\" shouted Tranor \"All the n00bs are going away! It\'s our chance to get to Auran.\"
The mauled Enkidukai looked at the n00b forces. Indeed, all of them were going somewhere, revealing the clear path to Auran. Not wasting the time, they started running as fast as possible. Suddenly something jumped from behind rocks.
- \"Noooooo! You can\'t give it to Auran. The spamzor belongs to Savion!\" saying that, Savion grabbed Seperot\'s throat.
Tranor wasn\'t going to let him kill Seperot and with all strength, he kicked the creature right in the back.
- \"We must run, Seperot!\" he shouted.
The two started running to Auran once again, leaving Savion behind. Unfortunately in the middle of their way, Seperot lost the last of his strength.
- \"I cant goe any futrher!\" he spoken.
But Tranor wasn\'t going to leave him alone. He grabbed the Enkidukai\'s tail and started dragging him behind. They were getting closer and closer. Few minutes later Tranor noticed a little hut in a distance. He finally noticed their destination. He approached the hut and bashed the doors open. He was too scared to enter however. Knowing as Auran might be such a powerful being. Suddenly a short old man with a walking stick came out from the hut.
- \"oops... sorry, I thought it\'s Auran\'s hut...\" Tranor shrugged
- \"It is! What do you want from me, sonny? And why did you bash my doors?\" he shaked his fist \"Cows are yellow! Did you know that cows are yellow? NO! And you know why? Because you are too young to know such things. Oh, in my age you\'d understand how cows are yellow... did I mention some are blue too? When you\'ll experience as much as I did.... yes, I\'m old! Do you know how old I am? Sonny you know nothing, come back when you\'ll be in my age... or when you\'ll see a yellow cow. But you know what? The doors aren\'t yellow, they are destroyed! And I want new ones. Make them yellow since you seem to like that color so much!\"
Tranor not caring about what Auran is saying, started searching for spamzor in Seperot\'s inventory. But suddenly happened something that stopped Tranor from finishing his plan. Seperot woke up. Seeing Tranor searching something in his inventory, Seperot grabbed his katana and attacked the dwarf. One moment later armless Tranor fell to the ground.
- \"Great job, sonny...\" Auran spoken \"You got rid of that clown. Now give me the spamzor... say, did I ever tell you about the yellow cows?\"
- \"Noway!\" Shouted Seperot \"Im keepin teh spamzor for mysefl! And u are going to end jst like Trenor did!\"
- \"Don\'t kid yourself Seppy son.\" Auran swinged his walking stick \"You know you can\'t fight me. You don\'t have as much power as I have. Do you know what is the power of REALITY TV? Yes, now that\'s something. And you? You don\'t even have tv in your name, unlike me, because I actually have it! So what that you don\'t see tv in Auran? It\'s well hidden! Do you think I will reveal everything to you? Sonny, don\'t make me laugh. Why would I show tv to you?\"
- \"Bah, shutup!\" Seperot was about to throw galkard at Auran, when suddenly Savion attacked him.
- \"Give Savion his spamzor!\" The creature yelled.
Seperot was holding his spamzor tightly so eventually Savion started chewing on his arm. Seperot looked at Savion, shrugged and thrusted his galkard right in creature\'s right eye. Auran used the situation and swinged his walking stick at Seperot\'s head. The Enkidukai triped over and while falling down, hit his head against a sharp rock. Auran looked at all the dead bodies and while grinning, picked up the spamzor.

Suddenly Auran heard some people outside his hut. He looked outside. It was Aendar and Draklar. He lost the battle at the gate, but now he had his spamzor.
- \"So what brings you here, kiddies? Want to talk with your old, good uncle Jimmy? Well I\'m at your service then. But if you want to fight me then you two must be idiots! What possibly can you do to me? I am Auran. THE Auran. Do you know how long it takes for a tree to grow? No, because you are too young to know that. You are just right to be clowns however. How about it? I\'ll even give you free cookies! We have 4, no, 5! flavours by now. Just look at the birds! Don\'t you see? They fly! What were you thinking? From this simple logic you should know that you can\'t fight me! So what will ya say? Cookie?\"
Both Aendar and Draklar grinned.
What happened next wasn\'t even a fight. The mage and warrior finished Vengeance\'s quest with success. It turned out that old people with spamzors stuck in their throats don\'t spam as much anymore. After that everyone returned to their homes. To live a life without Auran\'s jabberings.


the end
« Last Edit: March 21, 2004, 01:15:10 pm by Draklar »
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snow_RAveN

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« Reply #102 on: March 21, 2004, 02:58:14 pm »
*sheds a tear* (*sob sob*) ya know(*sob*) ive always enjoyed happy endings (*sob*)
« Last Edit: March 21, 2004, 03:03:54 pm by snow_RAveN »
Quote
Originally posted by DepthBlade
I am not as good as you with posting totally random pointless things that neither are relative or make any sense.

Auran

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« Reply #103 on: March 21, 2004, 04:31:27 pm »
Brilliant. That was brilliant. You pulled off the end superbly:D. Auran the hobbling old man was some character and the yellow cows and TV bit was hilarious:D. Love it. Do another parody. Try the Matrix;). You have a real talent.:tup:

Auran. No More.
Forget you ever knew me kid.

Auran

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« Reply #104 on: March 21, 2004, 04:32:33 pm »
But why didn\'t you kill me by making me fall offa summing. That\'d be even closer and even more pathetic for me:P.

Sorry for double post:P.
« Last Edit: March 21, 2004, 04:33:21 pm by Auran »

Auran. No More.
Forget you ever knew me kid.